torrie

cheers to obama. haha

hello to the new generation of UK boybands.
haha... (and few of them in there scream 'gay')

remember the previous entry i made on andrew brown doing a cover of 'let's stay together'?
well, her replied to my comment. so thought i'd check his other videos. turns out the dude's in avenue. one of UK's new boybands. haha.. he's the curly haired dude.

yes. i'm a groupie (and i'm still procrastinating)

[debbie, i KNOW you will like this. haha]

looove this song and this dude's cover.

yes, it is evident that i'm sick of studying.

Trust me, it ain't as scary as MJs. it's no where near as good as the the original. but the contortioning's pretty cool...
oh, and if you're wondering if its moose from step up 2. yeap, it is.

so, i came back home last night feeling pretty dandy. i got past the glass door, and pushed the "up" button and waited for the elevator door to open. while waiting i started singing the chorus of simply red's for 'for your babies'. (i tend to sing to myself when i'm alone waiting for the elavator)

the door opened i continued singing. for some reason, i didn't look up. and when i did i saw a man standing in the elevator. oh shit! i was so embarrassed! i quickly got in, turned my back towards him and pushed the button to my floor. in all awkwardness i pressed it a few times without realising it was already lit before i had even pushed it. it was while waiting to get to my floor that i realised that the guy was my neighbour!!! not,just any neighbout accross the hall. he lives in the unit just next to mine. the wait to get to our floor was excrutiating for me! i was so embarassed!! i quickly got out and went to my door, fumbling with the keys to get in as soon as i could.
i laughed all i needed to when i was on the safe side of my door.

totally embarrassed.

i don't want to be a part of it.
i don't want to have anything to do with it.
i just want to stay away from it.
i'm getting emotional about it when there isn't a point in it.

there's so many thoughts in my head that i don't know where to start.
too many things in my mind from various parts of my life.

i'm tired of thinking. i wish i had a switch to flick so that i would be able to turn of the emotion function.
commit it to God, i will. pray, i have. it's actually really, just letting go and let it just be that's really tough.

investing in friendships? right now. i'm just as afraid of it as investing a relationship.
i know i shouldn't totally rely on human beings for support, but there is still a need for them. it's getting kinda lonesome these days. the ones i could count on, don't seem to be around anymore. they seem too distant, out of reach. i try to, but i can't reach them. perhaps i'm not trying as hard as i think i am? i thank God for the a few others around me for being around even though they don't understand or don't know me all that well. i just feel sorry for not being bothered enough to get to know them earlier.

i'm not 25, but it almost feels like a quater life crisis. where i stand now, seems beyond bleak. i can only be patient and wait for what He has in store for me, and try my damndest not too worry so much.

i need a change. acomplete change of environment would be prefered at this point. but that's not gonna help, coz it's gonna be running away. no, i'll embrace what's coming towards me. i'll change instead. for the good or the better, i don't know. we'll see. then again, i'm not in control of the environment. circumstances might just change on it's own for me. but i hope they won't.

"it's just too tiring to invest in people. i just want to stop and live in reclusity."
i'll second miss chai to that statement.
another friend said something similar a while ago. and i'm beginning to understand why.

some may call me a hypocrite to say this. but really, who can you trust anymore?

----

hello God,

i'm lost again. i don't know what to do or what i'm supposed to do. who to talk to or where to turn to. but i know it's never is a mistake to turn to You. i commit all this unhappiness into Your hands, and i pray You make all things well again, as you always do. (:

love,
torrie

now i need to make a decsion.
would it be too selfish to stay?
or would i be giving my life up to go?

i don't know what to do.
i need a reason, a sign, something.

"If an extension (illness, family emergency, unexpected incarceration), complete the extsion request that is available at the School of Psychology's website.

Extensions will be given if there is extreme medical emergency, or if Queensland is beset by a plague of locusts. "


ok, screw neuro. i'm going to bed.
(yes, i'm officially insane. 4 blog posts in less than 24 hours)

i think i should get my eyes checked. maybe my brain too. they don't seem to be communicating with each other very well lately.

exam timetables were out on friday. for once my exams end early. like REALLY really early. DISGUSTINGLY early. i've only got 2 papers this sem. it somehow registered in my head that my papers were on the 6th and 9th of november.

so, i decided to have a look once again at the timetable. to jot down the venue and times. friggin' hell, it's on the 3rd and 6th november. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

every semster i end on the LAST day. now, i have them super early.

oh my gawwwwwwwd... it's less than a month to the exams now. oh my gaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwdd...

i finally decided on my date to set back to singapore's bustle, where ironically i wouldl be lazing instead. i thought it'll be settling to set the date down, but somehow i'm still unsettled.

a few weeks ago a friend asked if i was content with where i am. i answered 'yes' with no hesitation. now i'm not all that sure... then again, life never is a standstill.

i think i've been afraid to get out of my comfort zone for far far faaaaaaaar too long. perhaps it's time to not be so guarded and live life as it is. carpe dium! hah! if only i could live life that courageously.

quite frankly, right now i'm quite eager to go back home. well, for starters, scottie and snowy. i miss my whacky sister, my ever stupid BUT endearing brother and whiny baby sister, my weird-ass dad, and of course, my beloved mommy.

yea, i'm a tad homesick. but despite wanting to go home. i don't wanna leave all that quickly either. maybe it's just the fear that if i leave, i might never be able to come back. and then it could be so long and farewell to everyone and everything around me before any proper goodbyes. it would then all turn to nothing but memories

i fear going back. being capable of doing very, very stupid things. well, we'll see...
i should start pulling together one of this 'how i want to spend my holiday' lists.

imagine me and you, i do
i think about you day and night
it's only right to think about the one you love
and hold them tight

baaahh.... all this fuckery.